BookMarks #107: How To Win Friends And Influence People

Title: How To Win Friends And Influence People

Author: Dale Carnegie

Genre: Non-fiction, Self-help

Published: 1936

BookMarks

One of the most successful books in history and reading through it gives the answer why. After all who doesn’t want to be an influencer! And to be successful in that, one needs to understand people and why they would want to help you.

An important line from the book “Every man I meet is my superior in some way.” Always keeping this in mind!

Following are some of the major points from the book.

Techniques to handling people

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, and his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation. It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want - get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own

Six Ways To Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile – It is a messenger of your good will.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it - When one yells, the other should listen-because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives - people are honest and want to discharge their obligations. The exceptions to that rule are comparatively few
11. Dramatize your ideas – presentation is the key
12. Throw down a challenge – everyone has a desire to excel

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face – Don’t hurt the dignity
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Overall, simple guidelines which are easy to implement. All it takes is a little conscious effort to start following them, However, do wonder what people who have been played at by these principles feel on reading this book!

Previously on BookMarks: My Journey 

Also by Dale Carnegie & Associates: The Leader In You